Day 9 and 10

So I'm back from the Red Elephant Lodge in the Tsavo East National Park, that's where the safari was. It was AMAZING!!! AM-MAZ-ING. Amazing.

Getting there was nuts. There are no traffic laws here. If you think Iran is bad (for those of you that have been, obviously most of you haven't, which makes no sense because it's like the funnest, coolest, most liberal and free place ever!), then you haven't seen Mombasa because it is CRIZAZY here. They drive on both sides of the road, routinely play chicken with semi-trucks and drive on the sidewalk. Which brings me to something I keep forgetting to mention. I have a solution to America's caffeine addiction problem. A daily dose of death. Nothing wakes you up like nearly getting run over by a car, taxi, mutato, or semi at 7:00am. Every day I nearly die and as a result I've never been more alert at an ungodly hour.

So the safari was great. There was a pool, great food (although all my homemade meals have been great too), and it was just all around beautiful. I'll post pics. I was rooming with Prince William (I'm gonna use pseudonyms because I don't want people peeking over my shoulder and seeing their name) and it was fun. Recently gone through a bad breakup with some bitch in England (but sadly for me did not need 'consoling') and is getting his master's in marketing. I skipped one of the four safaris and stayed back with the Princess of Westchester so that we could lay out by the pool. We bonded and I've realized that people from Westchester/Scarsdale/Long Island/etc. are like people from the Valley. Like a dirty, smudgy photocopy of people from New York City/LA. Essentially the same, but really not as good. Nonetheless, we bonded and she's amazingly fun and sweet. BTW; in case you were worried like me, I had her take a digital photo of me in my swimsuit so that I could see how I look after 10 days in Africa and let me ease your worries...I still look amazing.

The one thing that kinda sucked about the trip was that the people I'm travelling with consist of a group of young people and/or Europeans, so they don't tip. Like at all. We were at a fabulous lodge with live music, good service, etc. and they all assume all inclusive means tips. I told them a few times, but no one really did so. It's just shitty. Also, I'm kind of correcting a lot of false assumptions these kids are making and it's going over extremely well. I know sarcasm isn't clear online, but that was intended to be sarcastic. People don't like to be corrected, but I can't idly sit by and let them say that the Kenyans are lazy and need to learn to work for their money or whatever. It's really not that simple for a lot of them. Poverty is a cycle and when there is LITERALLY no opportunity to escape it, you can't say they're lazy or just not trying hard enough. There are no homeless shelters and homeless 35 year olds with no education don't get jobs in a place where there are no jobs. It's a vicious cycle. At any rate, when I say things like that they think I'm an asshole and I totally am an asshole, but not because I correct them. Mostly I'm an asshole because it's fun.

I have a new favorite animal. They look like deer, but are THE SIZE OF A TOY POODLE!!! They weigh ten pounds or so and are fast and look just like a deer. They are so cute. We saw a few on the safari. Their name? A dick-dick. I kid you not. Even in the wilderness, I'm drawn to dick.

Finally of note, we saw about 15 elephants at a watering hole. It was so beautiful. I'll post those pics ASAP. While there I was looking at everything and was just blown away at home lucky I am. There are people all over the world, people all over the US even, who never get on a plane, who never travel, who never see the things I get to see. And I don't just mean in Africa, I mean in life. I've lived in LA & NYC, I've spent time in Europe, the Middle East, and a ton of places in between. I am really really really blessed and lucky and was really blown away by some of the sights. Seeing the squalor that people live in was eye opening, but seeing the beauty here was an equally moving experience.

On to more bitchery.

My dear friend Michael L is another one of those divas I was mentioning. My last post asked for commentary but what does this queen bee do? She sends me an email. It was a sweet one and much appreciated, but damnit woman, unless you want another black eye, you better learn to listen! Now fix me my dinner.

In Michael's defense he is a pretty important guy and can't be bothered with details, but whatever. I'm important and I listen. Or at least nod while pretending to do so.

I think I mentioned this before, but being here is making me really distrustful and I HHHHHAAAATTTEEE that. We stopped at a rest stop on the way back and I wanted a bag of gummy bears. I've become addicted to them here. They cost 68Ksh (Kenyan Shillings) at the Nakumaat (see: Kenyan Wal-Mart). I ask her how much, she eyes me up and down and says 300Ksh. At a rest stop they normally run 75-100. I looked at her, laughed, and left. I just hate having to be on my guard all the time because they just try to stick it to you all the time. Now, this is a gross generalization, but it happens so often that it's just downright infuriating. You all know what a massive bargain shopper I am, so to be gouged like that just really sticks in my craw.

Speaking of sticking things in my craw, I finally had a little privacy at the lodge so that's now 2 times in 10 days.

I'm at Dickson next week and then they want to move me to the Onesmus Boys Centre where glue addicted street kids go live. Glue is heavily abused here. They buy a jar of it and inhale the living shit out of it to get high off the fumes. It's really dangerous and deadly, highly addictive and just plain disturbing. Dickson (they place I work) is the sister orphanage of the boys center and they asked me to go try it out there as they need male influences there. I don't know how much the boys are gonna like flat ironed hair, flared low rise jeans and a light coat of sheer lipgloss, but I'm gonna give it a whirl.

Finally, I'm a raging idiot. I've been trying to figure out how to get my pics from my camera to you. None of the computers have accessible USB ports and my wireless at home is so slow, so I just email one pic at a time over the course of a 20 minute upload when we finally figured out how to get pics to you. Buy a CD, burn from my laptop, use CD at internet cafe. Hopefully MANY MANY MANY pics will be coming soon.