Day 32

Ok, it took me 25 minutes and 37 seconds to get to this page. I know because internet cafes have little timers to keep track of how long you've been online. 25 minutes for you fuckers, so you better appreciate.

LOTS to share, so here goes:

1) My allergies are absolutely heinous here. Without exaggerating, I sneeze about 25 times in the first hour that I'm awake. I take a Benadryl right away, but I think I'm gonna set my alarm an hour earlier so I get up, take it, and go back to sleep. I go through 1/3 of a roll of toilet paper every morning just from blowing my nose. I have no idea where this fluid is coming from. Maybe it's pent up semen? At any rate, it's super annoying and it adds to the Nima-is-a-bushy-eyebrowed-hot-mess-in-Kenya.

2) I'm really really really really looking forward to Q-tips and my tongue scraper.

3) I hit a new low today. As if wiping baby shit, having urine all over my body and clothes and cleaning snot with my bare hands wasn't bad enough, I've hit what I hope is the all time rock bottom. Today, I had to clean up...MONKEY POOP! There are monkeys everywhere and they shit all over the area the kids play and if I didn't clean it up the kids would inevitably step in it or even worse start to play with it, so I had to clean up monkey poop. Even the words themselves boggle my mind. Monkey poop. It doesn't even sound real.

4) I have a canker sore inside my cheek. It's the size of Nairobi. I bite it every night in my sleep and am in an indescribable amount of pain. Good thing I'm not dishing out blowjobs.

5) So the walk that I thought was .5 miles is actually closer to a mile. I timed it today while walking at my steady, Idiot-less & C.U.N.T.-less pace. It took about 20 minutes. I walk one New York City block per minute, and 20 blocks equal a mile, so I figure its about a mile walk. Nothing really interesting about that other than the fact that I now know and wanted to share with you.

6) The song "Another Point of View" by DB Blvd is featured in a fabric softner commercial here. My kids love it, so I burned it for them and am now teaching them English via lyrics to songs. We learn what they mean and then listen to the song and read along, etc. Why do I have "Another Point of View"? Because not only is it featured in fabric softner commercials, but also on "Sex and the City", season 5, episode 4 "Cover Girl". It's the song played during Carrie's book jacket photo shoot. Into every life a little "Sex and the City" I bring.

7) I finally finished painting today. I painted a fence/gate and the entire playground. I painted right through lunch and missed a fabulous lunch of...beans. Damn, such a shame.

8) I narced on C.U.N.T. at the staff meeting. The housemoms were all up on that shit. They hate her too. So we'll see what happens now.

9) The t-shirts here are very odd. I've seen Kenyan men wearing t-shirts that say "Kinkos", "I Survived Jason's 21st Birthday Party" and my favorite, "Soccer Mom". Now these are obviously American t-shirts that somehow ended up here and I'm sure there's a very interesting story as to how those shirts got here and how these Kenyans came to own them.

10) Kenya has two newspapers. Both are shit. It's like choosing between the New York Post and The Daily News. Anyway, I've taken up reading them just to keep some semblance of a brain and there was an article on homosexuality in animals and it used the word "perverse behavior" as often as I use the word "fuck". I got your perverse behavior right here dickwad.

11) The girls in my class were bad and so I gave the boys candy and none to the girls. The girls then said "You love boys" and my heart skipped a beat. I really did not want to have that conversation. I then found out it was because they think I treat boys favorably and not because I hold the secrets to invisible make-up and can high kick better than a Rockette.

Gotta run, been online for 44 minutes now and have work sheets to print and the lyrics to "Hey Mama" by the Black Eyed Peas to edit. The song is featured in Garfield: The Movie and my kids can't get enough of it. That and "Barbie Girl" by Aqua. I love my little fag-hag/faggots-in-training.