Day 15 v2.0

Mwangi shat himself today. This was one of the first times I was really at a loss as to what to do. I mean, I guess given enough time I could figure it out, but my initial thoughts were: Does he need to be washed? What do I do with the poop? What do I do with the clothes? How do I physically handle them without getting shit all over myself? All the answers are pretty logical: Yes, put it in the toilet, put them in the hamper, use gloves. But it was all too much. I took him upstairs (carrying him as far away from my body as possible by lifting him from his underarms) and was like "Ruth. Mwangi pooped himself and I don't know what to do!" She laughed and they took care of it.

The new volunteer was just sobbing away this morning and I feel kind of bad for her and kind of want to slap her. Apparently yesterday was really rough for her because she was confused and didn't really know her role and didn't expect the conditions to be like this and blah blah blah. She came with her brother; he was here last year. So I don't know if she didn't get properly briefed on the conditions or what, but they're exactly the same. Further, I have no idea what she expected. I actually thought the conditions were way better than what I had imagined prior to my first visit. I pep talked her and told her she just has to take some initiative and that Kenyan culture is very mind-your-own-business as is evident by them letting me "drink" on the job without so much as a peep. So I told her some things to do and told her to come to me if she needed something, but seriously, the tears were overkill and nonstop. It's been one day bitch, chill the fuck out. Still, gimme a crying broad and I can't help but twinge a lil.

I went to clean the kiddie potties today and took one look at left them in the bathroom. I mean, I've dealt with some vile shit here, but I dunno what Mwangi, Moses, Manu and Emmanuel John ate, but it was even too much for me to handle. I didn't even take a picture to post because it was that rancid. They were filled to the brim with what looked like chocolate pudding. Normally I joke when I say this, but I really don't understand how it's physically possible for four such tiny children to actually create that much poo in less than 24 hours.

I've apparently become the Dickson DJ because I've now been asked to make an R&B CD mix. I'm gonna start charging these bitches.

English is a pretty fucked up language. I did an English lesson with Brian, Nelson, and Mary today and part of it was working on plurals. Try explaining the plural form of the following to a child whose second language is English: boy, baby, bush, child, and leaf. Then we did a Swahili lesson where they would read a sentence and then translate for me. Nelson called a farmer a "keeper of domestic animals." I thought that was pretty funny.

So today was also, by far, the most trying day I've encountered in both trips. I'm amazed I didn't spontaneously combust and was able to keep my cool. Today, out of the blue, the teacher asked me "Are you saved?" I wasn't 100% sure what she meant and said "Like, by Jesus?" and she said yes and I said I was Buddhist (I know, I know, now I HAVE to seriously investigate this religion and see if it's something I want to pursue), so I said I was Buddhist and she was shocked. She went on about how I'm such a good person how is it possible that someone so good can't believe in Jesus. Bite my tongue 1. Then she came to me with a book for us to look over together for a minute. Bite my tongue 2. She talks about how she's learned that wicked people are deemed wicked in the womb and must be saved after birth. Bite my tongue 3. She makes me read the passage with her (Ps 58:1-6). Bite my tongue 4. She then explains different miracles she's experienced. Bite my tongue 5. She told me the blood of Christ washes away all our sins. Bite my tongue 6. She then proceeds to tell me how wonderful I am and how she and the staff feel like I'm staff as opposed to a volunteer. She says I take all this initiative and I'm good with the kids and stuff like that. Here I thought "Man, what do the other volunteers do?" because- and this is not false modesty- I don't think I'm doing THAT much more than what would be expected of a volunteer. Anything that I care about doing I do well, so I know I do a good job, but how shitty are the other people doing? Anyway, then she said she doesn't hate people who are other religions because maybe as children they were brainwashed by their families (pot, kettle, black) or maybe they just have a different path in life, but so long as they accept Jesus before they die, his blood will wash away all that sin and they will be saved even though they are the wrong religion. Bite my tongue 7.

Never in my life have I sat and silently accepted and listened to someone else's beliefs that were fundamentally against so much that I believe in. I'm a loud mouthed bitch and will stand up for what I believe in until the day I die. However, this was not the place and the communication barrier would be hefty and thus I sat and took it. It was ridiculous, but I guess a good exercise for me. It went on for like 20-25 minutes though and by the end I had a splitting headache from all I was holding back. They have never pushed their beliefs onto me, but today was ridiculous and I truly think unintended because I think she thought I was "saved" and so she thrust all this on me out of concern and confusion. Still, I was screaming inside. AND, she's made me an accomplice to her brainwashing because she asked me to photocopy this book she borrowed "Enough is Enough: Plus 100 Judgmental Prayers". Ya.

Something that sucks about kids is their short attention span and memory. It's really fucking annoying. I'll ask them something like "Where should I throw the ball?" and they'll start to survey the area to see where they would like me to throw it. It's bad enough that it takes them a full minute to look around and pick a place for me to throw it, but most of the time they are thinking for so long they forget what we're doing and after a minute of silence they'll stop looking around and look at me completely confused. I'll then say "Where?" and they're like "Oh ya, um, there". This entire process takes like 3 full minutes. They're fucking idiots man.

Marion is a little fucking cunt. She's always seeking negative attention so today she came and sat in my lap and farted, knowing that that's not acceptable behavior. I promptly got up and gave everyone a candy except for her. Then I ignored her for a solid 2 hours and by the end she silently kept coming up to me and trying to hold my hand. I finally let her, but hopefully this isn't a cycle we have to go through every day. Stupid slut.

Speaking of stupid sluts, Milka COUGHED into my ear today. Sometimes I just want to slap them. I mean, my fucking ear canal? I can just feel the tuberculosis growing. She doesn't have TB, but I'm convinced she has now given it to me.

In the afternoon we went on this long walk to Migadini and that allowed me to take some pictures of Migadini. People don't really like being photographed here and I certainly don't like drawing that attention and I don't want to treat them like I'm in a zoo or something and just taking pictures of their shitty lives, but I do want the pictures, so I took many under the guise of shooting the children and now the scenery. After the walk, I decided to just head home since we were already in Migadini. It was a little early, but I've been there for 9 days straight and am not off until Sunday, so I figure I have a few early days saved up.

Your comments are amazing and encouraging and I love you all. Thank you.

Before coming to the internet cafe I had some French toast at Dormans. When asking for syrup I had to repeat myself 5 times. The fifth time I said it in my accent and pronounced it "see-rap" and she understood.

Finally, I feel really bad for laughing at them for being so stupid, but children fall a lot. They have been walking for years and yet they still don't seem to have the hang of it. Today Brian was walking and he tripped (over the air I guess because there was nothing around) and fell and I almost laughed out loud. Laughing at a Kenyan orphan falling down. If that doesn't send me straight to hell, I dunno what will.